


I Love You’s (I Can’t Say I Love You Until I Know I’m Okay)

by Jo_Mikaelson



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Hosie deserves better, Mention of 1x10 Alternate Worlds, Reader chooses Landon’s fate, Set after 2x16 “Spring Finale”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jo_Mikaelson/pseuds/Jo_Mikaelson
Summary: Dark Josie has been dormant for a month now and since then Hope and Landon have been broken up. (Or Landon has been dead for a month now, Hope’s grieving went from “I can’t move on to “I think I am ready to move on.” Your choice :) ) Hope and Josie get closer than ever and Josie realizes her feelings for the tribrid have never faded away, but with everything that she has been through she’s afraid that if she says “I love you” it’ll be too soon, not until she feels okay again.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Past Landon Kirby/Hope Mikaelson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I realize that I have many ideas but this needed to happen. Inspiration came from I Love You’s by Hailee Steinfeld.

Josie woke up feeling guilty about everything that her dark self did to her friends like she had been for the past few weeks, Hope, Lizzie, and MG being the only ones that have expressed that she doesn’t need to feel guilty anymore. She always took their words into consideration, but she still cries at night while everyone is doing their nightly routine. 

Except one night when Hope heard sobs coming from the twin’s room. Hope decided to investigate this.

Hope got to the twins room and knocked. “Josie? Lizzie?” She asked.

The tribrid heard the door open with magic and saw Josie curled up in a ball sobbing. She immediately rushed over to the siphon and held her close. She hated that her best friend and crush was hurting. 

Hope honestly didn’t know what to say because she knew that if she said “it’s going to be okay” Josie will still be hurting inside. Instead she just held her close silently letting her know that she is not going anywhere.

Josie had slowly realized while she and Hope were getting closer that she was still in with the young Mikaelson witch. 

‘If I say I love you now it will be too soon, because I’m not okay, but I know I love Hope.’ Josie said to herself.

Josie accidentally let out the words “I love you” in a sob. 

Hope looked at the brunette softly and asked. “You love me?”

Josie froze. She didn’t want to say it again because she knew she’d be falling in love with the auburn even more, but on the other hand she knew she needed to repeat it once and explain.

The brunette took a deep breath and said. “I do, I have since I was 13. It’s so easy to say I love you to you, but I’m not okay. I haven’t been since I used all of the dark magic I used. So even though I love you, I’m not going to say it anymore until I know I am okay.” 

Hope smiled gently and said. “I completely understand. If I said I love you right now would you be mad?” 

Josie shook her head.

Hope then said. “I promise I won’t say it again until you are ready, but I just needed to say it because it’s true. I also need you to know that I don’t blame you for any of this Jo. You are too sweet of a person to be holding on to this alone. Please let me help you even if it's just as a friend right now.” 

Josie couldn’t take it anymore, Hope was being the sweet girl she fell in love with all over again. She kissed the tribrid and said the words once again. “I love you Hope, I knew it was easy and when I hear you say everything you said I fall in love with you more, but I mean it. I know I love you, but I need to make sure I feel better before I say those words again. I blamed my sister for keeping me in her shadow when I didn’t really mind all that much until it came to you. I blamed my parents for always being gone or doing something other than being a parent, I blamed myself for not being more understanding, and then I blamed the world because I thought it owed me happiness. I realized that I didn’t need to blame all of them because I needed to fix myself.”

Hope didn’t know what to say because she definitely felt what Josie was talking about, she too has blamed the world before for being a terrible place for her family, she blamed her family’s enemies for hating them and not giving her the chance to have a real relationship with her parents all the time. But she mainly blamed herself for being born. If she wasn’t born then her family would be alive and happy. 

“I’ve given a lot of blame to people, especially myself. If I wasn’t born I wouldn’t have created the mess that my family got into. I’m a cosmic mistake, but I learned that I too need to fix myself. Maybe we can fix each other as we go?” Hope said gently.

Josie knew that Hope had given herself all of the blame. She wanted to help tribrid and tell her she isn’t to be blamed either, but she also knew Hope wouldn’t believe her unless she said something her sister had told her.

“When we had gotten back from Europe, Lizzie had met a jinni who granted her three wishes. The first wish was where you didn’t come to the Salvatore School. Apparently you were a true tribrid then because you had killed everyone in Russeaus’. We took you to the school and you thrived there, learning to be a better person. The second wish was where Lizzie wished that the Salvatore School didn’t exist. I was head cheerleader and I dated a guy named Connor. Dad had his beer gut and drank while on the job. Your dad had founded the Mikaelson Institute and you recruited my dad to be headmaster. You and I started flirting with each other and Lizzie didn’t like that. So for her third wish she wished that you were never born. In that wish I was dead because Lizzie had killed me and Triad was looking for your dad and my mom. Lizzie was then able to trick the jinni and got back to the real world. In a way you could say that if you weren’t born I wouldn’t be alive, you could say we’re meant to be together. But I’m not going to start anything until I…I don’t know if I want to wait though. I mean I can and I would always wait for you..”

Josie got cut off by a kiss on her lips. Josie sighed in content and kissed her back. 

Hope then pulled away and said. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that, please forgive me.” 

Josie shook her head and smiled gently. “There’s nothing to forgive. If I’m honest though you should have kissed me sooner.” 

Hope thought back to when Josie said they were meant to be. “Jo, I can wait as long as you need me to so you can have time to come to terms with everything. You said we’re meant to be and I believe you. So I’m going to wait for you.” She said to the brunette. 

Hope starts to walk away, but Josie catches her wrist. 

“Hope, wait” Josie said. She took a deep breath and continued. “I think wait no, I know that it will take me time to be completely okay, but I’d rather have you by my side and help me the rest of the way, encouraging me. I got you out of my subconscious after I didn’t want you in it at first because I can’t lose you. I can’t not tell you I love you.” 

Hope then said. “I know, and I can’t not tell you either, but I need you to be honest with me right now. Are you really okay, even enough to believe that it’s not your fault. You did put your siphon magic in a coin after you got me back so I need you to be completely honest.” 

Josie sighed and said. “You know me so well. You promise you’ll wait?”

The auburn nodded. “I promise. Whether it’s next week or next year, or even a thousand years. I will always wait for you Jo.” 

Josie chuckled tearfully and said. “I promise it won’t take me a thousand years. I’m not going to put you through that much pain.” 

Hope kissed her cheek and said. “I know you won’t. But I would still wait for you. Want me to walk you to your room?” 

Josie smiled and nodded. 

The auburn and the brunette walked to the brunette’s room and stopped at the door. 

Hope then kissed her cheek gently and said. “I’ll see you later love.” 

As she started to walk away Josie grabbed her wrist gently and said. “Hope, wait.” 

Hope smiled gently and nodded. 

The younger girl then said. “Will you go on a date with me on Saturday? Dad is giving me the chance to go out to town and I would like to spend time with you. Now that we’ve talked I feel a lot better about myself than I have recently.” 

The Mikaelson smiled brightly and said. “Of course Josie. I would love to go on a date with you.” 

The brunette Saltzman smiled and said. “Great, so I’ll see you tomorrow then? We can eat breakfast together?”

The auburn smiled and said. “Absolutely, see you then love.” 

The brunette smiled gently and watched the older girl walk away.


	2. You Say I Am Yours (And I Believe You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie plans hers and Hope’s first date and writes her a song about her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I broke the streak of not writing songs into the fic, but I am not sorry that I did because this song is great for Josie’s perspective as of recently. I would like to thank TheOriginalBibred for suggesting the song which is this chapters title. It is called “You Say” by Lauren Daigle. I definitely recommend you listen to it while you read this chapter on repeat.

Mornings for Josie used to be kind of dreadful since she had all of the dark magic in her, but now she feels a little more like herself, if not improved. She used to be afraid of telling people “I love you”, but after telling Hope her feelings for her earlier that week she felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She also felt like she was on cloud nine. Josie knew that Hope was willing to wait as long as she needed to, but Josie started to feel like she was in a romantic novel and the couple is slow burn. So she started planning their date the morning after they had their heart to heart.

Hope knew this wait would be worth it, but there was a part of her that extremely wanted to get close to Josie, show her her wolf and hold her in her arms like she was the only person left in the world. She knew she didn’t have to wait long but she missed Josie’s lips. She didn’t think about that constantly, though who was she kidding, she knew once she kissed the brunette’s lips she would be hooked, whipped if you will (but if anyone were to mention it Hope would… well probably admit it, but swear whoever said it to secrecy.) Hope shared a lot of classes with Josie and enjoyed the stolen glances though she knew she wanted more.

Josie was in her room on Friday the day before her and Hope’s date and started writing song lyrics that she thought fit her at this very moment.

_ I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough _

_ Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up _

_ Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? _

_ Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know, ooh oh _

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ And You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe _

_ The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me _

Josie realized that she shouldn’t have to worry about everything that everyone was saying, she just needed to listen to those who really matter to her as well as herself, and she knew that Hope meant everything to her as well as that Hope meant everything she said to her.

_ In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, ooh oh _

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ And You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ Oh, I believe _

_ Taking all I have and now I'm layin' it at Your feet _

_ You'll have every failure God, You'll have every victory, ooh oh _

She never really understood religion, but she knew that there had to be someone up in the sky looking after her just like her biological mom had told her when she was risen from the dead a year ago.

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe _

_ Oh, I believe (I), yes, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe (oh) _

Saturday came and Josie was incredibly excited to go on the date with Hope that she had planned out. She went to the showers and saw Hope, she stole a glance and smiled at the auburn. After she got out of the shower she went back to her room and put on a black polka dot romper with a white t-shirt. She figured for their first date it would be casual, but not super casual. She had texted Hope yesterday that she would pick her up at her dorm before breakfast so they could eat together. Once she got dressed and fixed her hair she went to the auburn’s room.

If Hope were to be completely honest with herself she was very excited as well as nervous for her date with Josie, she had wanted this since she was fourteen, but with Penelope and Landon who was with Josie and Roman as well as Landon who was with the auburn she knew that she would need to wait. She was writing in her diary that she had started to write more in after remembrance day. 

_ “Today I am going on my first date with the very beautiful Josette Lucas Saltzman, I’ve had a crush on her since I was fourteen, but our relationship has been complicated to say the least, but Josie confessed her feelings for me a little under a year ago but had said the word had, a part of me was crushed, but also relieved, I think it was because I was still with Landon and I didn’t want to break his heart, even though he had broken mine several times. Now that we are over (or since he died) I no longer have to worry about whether I am breaking his heart, because my heart completely belongs to Josie. I want to spend my always and forever with her and I now realized that Landon wasn’t the epic love that my mom described to me. Josie is my epic love, one that I haven’t gotten the chance to have yet, but I will now.” _

Hope heard a knock on her door and smiled knowing it was Josie. She had briefly passed the showers this morning after her training session with Josie’s dad and stolen a glance of Josie. She had previously treasured these stolen moments, but now she is going to treasure not so stolen moments with the brunette. She opened the door and smiled brightly.

“Hey Jo.” She said to the brunette.

The brunette smiled and said. “Hey Hope, ready to go? Oh and these are for you.” Josie didn’t conjure flowers, but she had MG help her get these flowers from a florist in town. 

Hope teared up and said. “Jos, these are beautiful, how did you get these without going out into town early?”

Josie smiled and said. “I asked MG to help me, I knew what your favorite flower was so I just needed to order them and make sure they got here today. I’m glad you like them.” 

The auburn smiled and said “Like them? I love them. They are exactly the flowers that my dad had given me when I was seven. Thank you love.” Hope then kissed the brunette’s cheek which made the brunette blush. 

The brunette smiled and said. “Shall we?” She gestured out to the hallway to go to the dinner hall. 

Hope smiled and said. “We shall.” 

She then intertwined their hands together hesitantly as to make sure Josie was still on the same page as she was. Josie smiled and held her hand and walked with her to the dinner hall.

At the dinner hall the girls sat with Lizzie and MG who had gotten together a couple weeks after Josie saved Hope from her subconscious.

“I forgot to mention that you look amazing Hope.” Josie said to the auburn.

The auburn smiled and said. “Thank you Josie, so what do you have planned for our day together?” 

Josie smiled and said. “Well, I was thinking we would go to the park, then go to the Mystic Grill, and then come back here, I have something I want you to listen to, but I have to do it in the music room.” 

Hope was intrigued to say the least, the last time she heard Josie sing was on their way to find the mummy during spring break.

“I can’t wait to hear you then, I’m sure it will sound amazing.” The auburn said with a smile on her face.

The brunette smiled and Lizzie then said. “The song only took her a day to write, but she wouldn’t tell me what song it was.” 

MG then said. “I heard her in the music room as I was passing by from my class and the melody sounds amazing. I don’t know the song either but I love what I heard.”

Josie looked down slightly, but Hope lifted her chin up and said. “I know you probably wanted me to be the first one to listen to your song, but I promise you that I am okay with our friends hearing what you were working on, it helps you to improve the skills you already have.”

The brunette smiled and said. “Thanks Hope, I think it did help me a lot.” 

Once they ate breakfast the girls went to the park and walked around with their hands entwined together, enjoying each other's company. 

“Remember when I told you that I remember when your mom came to the school and I told you she was beautiful?” Josie had broken the silence to ask the auburn.

Hope smiled and said. “I do remember, I think that was one of the best days of my life because I got to spend more time with you than I usually did.”

The brunette smiled and said. “I had meant to tell you that you look as beautiful as your mom, but I knew you had blamed yourself for her death so I wanted to be courteous of your feelings.”

The auburn teared up and said. “Thank you, I mean I would have loved to hear you say that that day, I probably would have taken it as more of a compliment because of my conflicting feelings for Landon, but I completely understand why you said it now instead of then.”

The youngest of the two smiled and said. “You’re welcome Hope.” 

They walked to the Mystic Grill and Josie ordered them both a peanut butter blast with whipped cream on the bottom, a veggie burger for herself, a cheeseburger for Hope and some fries for the both of them. 

Once they got their food Hope said. “You know I could have gotten a veggie burger too right?” 

Josie smiled gently and said. “I know, but you need your protein so I figured I could compromise.” 

The auburn smiled gently and said. “You are so sweet, I promise I will eat a veggie burger the next time we come here, will that be okay?”

The brunette smiled and said. “I’d love that, thank you Hope.” 

It was around 6 in the evening when the girls got back to school. Josie lead Hope to the music room and sat down at the piano. 

Josie took a deep breath and said. “So I’ve had a lot of time to think about this as well as write how I feel, and I am so glad you have been here for me throughout everything that has happened. Before I ask my question I want you to listen to this song.

Hope nodded encouragingly and sat next to the brunette. 

Josie then started playing an F major arpeggio and closed her eyes, feeling the piano keys on her fingers and slowly letting a peaceful smile spread on her face and started singing.

_ I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough _

_ Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up _

_ Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? _

_ Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know, ooh oh _

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ And You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe _

_ The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me _

Hope teared up and said to herself. ‘The thoughts you have of yourself matter just as much as my thoughts matter.’ Hope was always in awe of Josie's voice since she first sang at the talent show, but she was awestruck with the way Josie was playing the piano and singing, she had only heard Elijah accompany himself once in her life.

_ In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, ooh oh _

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ And You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ Oh, I believe _

_ Taking all I have and now I'm layin' it at Your feet _

_ You'll have every failure God, You'll have every victory, ooh oh _

Hope never really understood religion, even though she was born in a church from what her dad had told her, he didn’t tell her every detail, but she had a feeling that it was not as momentous in the way new parents would expect, but she knew that not all religious people were as insane as when she found Rafael.

_ You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing _

_ You say I am strong when I think I am weak _

_ You say I am held when I am falling short _

_ When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours _

_ And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe _

_ Oh, I believe (I), yes, I believe (I) _

_ What You say of me (I) _

_ I believe (oh) _

Josie then played the arpeggio one last time before she stopped playing, but let the last note ring with her foot on the pedal. Once she felt the note was held out long enough she let go of the pedal and looked at Hope with tears in her eyes. Hope wiped the tears away and kissed her lips gently hoping that she could use her actions to get words that she couldn’t express. They stayed like this for what felt like an hour, but was only five minutes. 

The girls pulled away and Josie said. “I meant every word I wrote and sang to you. I will admit I still fight the voice in my head that says I am not enough, but then I listen to your voice and I hear every positive thing you have said to me since we met a decade ago. I love you so much, more than words or music can even describe. The question that I wanted to ask you is, will you be my girlfriend?”

Hope teared up and said. “Of course I will be your girlfriend Josie, I love you too, so much, more than you know as well as always and forever.” 

Josie smiled and said. “How about we go to your room and we watch CutThroat Kitchen?” 

Hope smiled and nodded. “I’d love that, then we can watch something you want to watch, sound good?” 

Josie smiled and nodded. “Yeah that sounds great!” 

The couple then went to Hope’s room and Hope said. “How were you able to get all of those words to make sense? I mean you’re a great writer, I guess I’m just curious.” 

Josie smiled and said. “Honestly I think I’ve always had those words in my head since you were in my subconscious, but I never truly believed it until you said it in my head when you were turned to stone.” 

Hope nodded gently. She grabbed her diary as well as her laptop She then pulled up CutThroat Kitchen on her laptop and sat on her bed. She patted the bed and Josie got on it and cuddled into Hope. 

The auburn decided that before they watched the show she would let Josie read her entry from today.

“Before we watch the show, I wrote in my diary before you got here this morning and I would love to share that entry with you, if you want to read it that is.” Hope said to her girlfriend.

Josie smiled brightly and nodded. Hope then handed her the diary after she opened it up to the page she wrote in that day. 

_ “Today I am going on my first date with the very beautiful Josette Lucas Saltzman, I’ve had a crush on her since I was fourteen, but our relationship has been complicated to say the least, but Josie confessed her feelings for me a little under a year ago but had said the word had, a part of me was crushed, but also relieved, I think it was because I was still with Landon and I didn’t want to break his heart, even though he had broken mine several times. Now that we are over (or since he died) I no longer have to worry about whether I am breaking his heart, because my heart completely belongs to Josie. I want to spend my always and forever with her and I now realized that Landon wasn’t the epic love that my mom described to me. Josie is my epic love, one that I haven’t gotten the chance to have yet, but I will now.” _

Josie teared up and asked. “You really want always and forever with me?”

Hope smiled, kissed her temple gently and nodded. “I do want always and forever with you. I never felt this way with Roman or Landon, and I think I understand why. You are one of the purest, no scratch that, the purest person I have ever met. You have your flaws, but honestly you know that eveyone has thier own flaws, and you never jugde anyone for their said flaws. You are the light of the school and honestly my life.”

Josie kissed the brunette’s lips and said. “I really do love you, and thank you for beliveing in me when others were afraid of me. Thank you for letting me read that entry that makes me feel a lot better with how I planned our date.”

Hope smiled and nodded. “I loved our first date, can I plan our second?” 

Josie smiled and nodded. “Can we watch the show now? I want to cuddle.”

Hope chuckled gently and said. “Of course love.” She then pressed play and leaned her head on Josie’s while they watched the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading! Comments are loved and appreciated. While this is the end of this story I don’t want you guys to worry because I have more planned out.

**Author's Note:**

> I will hopefully get my other Hosie fics updated soon. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
